Quid Pro Quo

Men who know nothing of menopause, do NOT touch the thermostat.  The season outside is of no concern to me when I am indoors. If I am hot. I want cold air conditioning. If am cold I want the heat and quite possibly a fire. If I finish eating chips and then look at you with my maniacal eyes lusting for something sweet. Don’t question me. Just accept that you are in Hormonehell and it is best to make me as comfortable as possible. I will not discuss vaginal dryness with you so do not discuss your swollen prostate with me. When we met you did not have a prostate. Only old men have them. I, on the other hand, have always had hormones. They were wonderful raging hormones which fueled your fantasies. Now, they have turned on you. So, know your place. When I’m hot you get your long johns ready. When I am cold you can sit around in your swimsuit. Please at least wear something. Remember the heat is from the thermostat because I am cold and not from a wild chemical reaction. So don’t make me have to pretend. We both know I want to be left to my Lifetime Movie & you to your ESPN.

The trade off is I will walk close to you and help you hide the dribble on your khakis after your leave the public restroom. And, I will continue to be your spotter to make sure you don’t have any nose hairs protruding which could distract from your clean cut looks.

You see in Hormonehell we both get something. You get to be more than a man; you get to part of my menopause. I get to laugh, cry, scream & control the thermostat. You let me do it. If you know what’s good for you.